love letter

dear expensive gym,

thank you for your free toiletries, especially Q-tips. thank you for having so many weights and machines that i can take up a lot of space without feeling rude, and so that i don't have to wait for stuff. thank you for having individual TVs on the elliptical machines where i can watch VH1. thank you for not having a lot of young hotties hanging around, because they can be discouraging and/or annoying. thank you for your spacious and well-appointed locker rooms. thanks for lighting the locker rooms flatteringly. thank you for the big lockers with hooks. thank you for having a bike rack outside where i can park mikey the bike. thank you for being within easy biking distance. thank you for having unlimited towel service, both gym and bath. thank you for the really hard water pressure in the showers. thank you for having a co-ed hot tub which everyone else thinks is creepy and therefore avoids, so i can get my poor little shoulder a good massage without anyone thinking i'm weird.

most of all, though, thank you for not causing a fight between me and chad. i love you.

love,

elizabeth