toilet seatery

so, the new house has two toilets, both of which have squishy seats with splitting vinyl. chad and i both agree that squishy toilet seats are for the birds, plus they are clealy old and crappy. since we are going to get new toilet seats anyway, i figure we may as well get cool ones, right? so i google things like "funky toilet seats" (actually the title of a website and company), "cool toilet seats," "acrylic toilet seats," etc.

and you know what? all the "cool" toilet seats in these united states are extremely stupid. they have golf themes, and tigers (?), lots of dolphiny themes (that look like the fish you might see on some unsuspecting twelve-year old dungeons and dragons enthusiast's t-shirt), ones with real money embedded in the clear plastic. (GET IT???!!! HAHAHAHA!!! oh, that's rich!!) there's a whole subgenre of clear toilet seats with dangerous items embedded, like thumbtacks, razor blades and bullets. i guess because the nethers are tender and it's funny to think about hurting them? (but it wouldn't hurt if you sat on a bullet--?)

anyway, the, er, seat of cool toilet seats is the united kingdom, who have just plain blue, purple or transparent clear acrylic toilet seats. or, like cool patterns or something. but they are around 89 pounds which translates to about two thousand dollars or so. i am no anglophile (nor -phobe), but why in the heck do the brits have such good taste about where to put their bums? and why do americans have to force unfunny lurid jokes about it? huh.