i am so totally uncool

but i don't think that's always been the case. i used to go to live music shows quite a bit in high school and college, and i think i wasn't a total dork, except for the time i barfed on myself because i took a bunch of caffeine pills. but in the past 10 years or so, i can count the concerts i've been to on one hand.

so last night, chad and i went to see the detroit cobras in the good old ROC. chad thoughtfully bought the tickets knowing i really like the band. for those who don't know them, the detroit cobras are a raucous garage-y bar band whose gimmick is that they do all old soul covers, otis redding and all that, but mostly obscure. the lead singer is a woman whose voice seems to give massive erections to all rock reviewers, and it truly is great, very ronnie spector, all husky but very big. you'll have to take my word for it when i say i sound really good singing along with them in my car on my way to work.

so the show starts at 9, and i decide we should leave at 9 (the theme is how uncool i am, remember). and since i haven't been to a music concert at a discotheque in ages, i don't know what to wear and i think i can't bring a purse and all this. i'm almost inclined to bring a first aid kit. i think i'm being all smart and cool by just carrying my lipgloss and ID in my pockets--streamlined! and at the bar, we're surrounded by many many 25-year olds with dyed black hair and short little bangs and the detroit cobras don't come on until ONE A.M. because there's three opening acts. i am the only one there wearing danskos.

and i just bob from the knees with my hands in my pockets because i don't have anything to do with my arms, because i don't have a purse. and i have only two beers over the course of the whole night, but by 1:45, i want to throw up because i'm so tired. and the singer, rachel nagy, looks like she just rolled out of bed in like a thermal hoody, for crying out loud, and sings with (of course) a PBR in her hand and basically without even drawing a breath opens her mouth and it sounds like a big gospel choir up there. so i begin resenting her because at this point i am in physical pain i'm so tired and she didn't even bother picking out an outfit to wear. then chad comes back from the bathroom and announces his underpants are on backwards. then it is time to embrace our lameness and go home.