however, and there must always be a "however," that substance is only rarely realized, because my relations with students are unfortunately structured and depressingly overshadowed by the grading system. i must grade them at some point with a system of universally understood units of general equivalence that are meant to reflect achievement and even, sometimes, implicitly, character. inevitably with freshmen, that first grading moment always feels really bad, like i have to be the first person (even though i'm not, i don't think) to tell them that the world is harsh and has only to offer this paucity and this assessment; that there are consequences for their actions; that sometimes their best isn't good enough; that sometimes people are just better at some things than other people are; that they should have read the fine print; that not everyone thinks everything they do is automatically great; that those hard-won words on their screen are not perfect expressions of their precious selves; that as smart as they may be, they still have to follow directions; that their "rights," as they perceive them are actually very limited, etc., etc. just at the moment they are, i suspect, starting to feel more powerful and vivacious than they have ever felt before, i have to come along and say actually? not really.
i think, although i am not sure, that students take their grades to be reflections of me rather than of their work. i think, although i am not sure, that the grades, especially to freshmen, seem like reflections of what i "think" of them, rather than reflections of the time and skill they put into an assignment. with several exceptions--i certainly have students who like the substance of classes and who work hard at them in order to better understand the material or get a better grade (as opposed to just figuring out how to get a better grade out of me). but mostly i feel like the grading relation we must be in within the system that structures our interaction just brings out the worst in everyone. it forces learning to be about resentful scrounging and teaching to be about pitying enforcement.
1 comment:
E, when you say "just at the moment they are, i suspect, starting to feel more powerful and vivacious than they have ever felt before, i have to come along and say actually? not really[,]" i think that you get after the agony and the ecstasy most devoted teachers get from the negotiations they experience w/ students (grading included).
i'll bet that if your students read your (this) blog entry, they would see the whole hot mess differently. see you and the work of grading -- from *you* in particular -- in a less self-esteem-crushing light.
i guess i'm saying that i, and undoubtedly you, try to work at getting students to see that it's my, ahem, *job* to be harsh (and here, lessons in power and how it circulates in institutions -- thus, useful rhetorical knowledge) . . . and that we will *get there*, and but in the meantime, how can we *play* with and honor that vivacious, evolving sense of self in the world?
a tall order. for me, it *is* the work. of course, it's easier for me to be rosy about this as i am not teaching as i am on sabbatical. ask me again in late Spring 2009 :)
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