there's another hellmouth in cleveland

[UPDATE: it has been spousally pointed out to me that the below seems as though i'm "down on cleveland." i'm not. may i take this opportunity to remind the reader/spouse that the point is to speculate where/how cleveland could be the hellmouth? and that hence it's probably something unpleasant, ala demon mayor or date-rapey fraternity brothers?]

. . .so says rupert giles in the last episode of "buffy the vampire slayer," which we finally watched last night. 2007 has been the Year of Buffy, since i started back in february with good old season 1. i have nothing interesting to think or say about the series, because people have already noted its excellent gender politics, its dead-on accuracy picturing growing up and becoming a young adult, its taking on and parodying various aspects of life in america, its brave story lines, the best of which have no recourse in magic(s).

and but i am from cleveland(ish). and so entertained and intrigued by the possibility of there being a hellmouth there. where would it be? downtown? in shaker heights? parma? wickliffe? where my old grade school, named after a prostitute (st. mary magdalene), stood? where i experimentally thought to myself "fuck god," when i was 8 to see if there was a god and if he hated that swear word as much as it seemed i was supposed to? where there is the highest concentration of foreclosed-upon homes? where people wear black socks with sandals? where they decided to make the football team's colors the least flattering colors ever (brown and orange)? where they decided on the comic-because-flagrantly-racist baseball mascot? where people get mullet haircuts? where i went to skating parties? where the river caught on fire? where teenagers become restless? where people develop suspicion of and hostility toward all things svelte, cosmopolitan, ivy league or arabian? where they sell diamond tennis bracelets? where children learn that confidence is immoral? where the flats used to be? where people surf lake erie in the winter?

so many possibilities! too bad there doesn't seem to be another buffy dawn willow kennedy some other "potential"? -based vampire slaying show in the works.