i think you are so cool. it's basically only because of you that i watch "law and order: SVU."
so, did you actually witness your mother get decapitated? if so, how often do you think about that? did you go to therapy for that?
sincerely yours,
elizabeth
dear coffee maker,
you are the greatest. the fact that i can program you and therefore wake up to freshly ground hot coffee? is the best. makes my life really just that much better. probably about 3% better overall! and the fact that you are thermal and therefore there is nothing to remember to turn off? forget it, give me a break.
love,
elizabeth
dear "american idol,"
get to the voting part, already.
sincerely,
elizabeth
8 comments:
Dear Elizabeth-
You love me because you can forget about me? I don't know how they roll where you're from, but in my parts, being able to forget about somebody without worrying they'll burn your house down was not a statement of love -- it was merely absence of retributive dread.
But speaking of fire? Keep an eye on the cat. The big one. I sense evil when he nears. And I saw him playing with a lighter.
Toodles-
Coffee Maker
Dear Kid on American Idol who said "yeah but I wanted to start out famous,"
You make me proud to live in this great nation. Your sense of entitlement helps me to be a better consumer and a more self-loving citizen of the universe.
Sincerely,
Midmodern Scholar
MMS: ohmygod i hear you.
i also see the "american idol" franchise as definitive proof that empiricism, like democracy, simply does not work. how that entitlement and surety can stick when one is in a crowd of 10,000 with the exact same goal as you, and when you sound like THAT, is struly a wonder. and yet i cannot look away. the fuck?
This morning? In Atlanta? I woke up, looked at the French press in the kitchen, and thought "it's just not worth the work." I didn't have any coffee until I got to the office.
You don't like bread anymore? Or is it more than a hobby now? Did you turn pro? Reveal all.
mms: i am on the pro bread circuit, and i thought i'd go public with my only-too-common neuroses in order to help other victims be able to come forward. plus, i always worry and my shoulder always hurts. good to have a change-up once in a while, no? also, snoopy is cool.
did you get said programmable coffee maker for christmas?... because i was just thinking we may have come full circle and are now back to getting the same gift for the holidays but in different colors. either way, i too am in love with my programmable machine (christmas gift) and it makes the morning lovely. i may send mine the same note.
ps. sorry for the delay in comment, but just got back from peru.
cuz: ha! we have not yet come full circle--we bought it for ourselves. and i never would have bought for myself any of those matching christmas gifts we got in days of yore.
sorry it took me so long to respond, i just got back from Candyland, where money grows on trees and it rains banana republic jeans. ha! seriously, the notes from peru were awesome. for everyone else: they went to *machu pichu,* of all places! so cool.
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