dog conversation

maebe: what is up with that stupid vaccuum cleaner?

lola: . . . . .

maebe: lola?

lola: oh, sorry, were you talking?

maebe: WHAT IS UP WITH THAT STUPID VACCUUM CLEANER??!!

lola: oh, i wouldn't go near that if i were you. i heard of a dog that got sucked up into one and was never heard from again.

maebe: is it like thunder?

lola: no, thunder is A LOT worse. every time it happens you could die alone and hungry. once? there was vaccuum, thunder and bath on the same day. that was the worst day of my life.

maebe: what about those cats? do their butts always smell like that?

lola: yep, usually. kind of a perk of the job.

maebe: ok, big question. how do i get elizabeth to hold me ALL THE TIME?

lola: you may as well give up on that one now. she runs kind of hot and cold. i can tell you, though, that she always comes back when she leaves. i can also tell you that you don't want to make her mad. you better quit pooping in the house, for example. and you better quit acting like such a baby in your crate. and you know how i get mad when you eat my food? well, you don't even want to THINK about eating elizabeth's food. she thinks she's such hot shit, but she's all we've got, you know? you can try to run away if you want to, but then i get your wet puppy food.