advice column

dear E in the ROC,

i think your last post about kitty sex was kind of gross and weird.  what the hell  made you write it?

sincerely,

confused and betrayed

dear c & b,

well, probably BECAUSE it was gross and weird.  you see, i like to entertain my readers, but i also like to entertain myself, and unfortunately sometimes that takes precedent.  the category of things that are funny because they turn people off is a category very close to my heart.

yours,

E in the ROC

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dear E in the ROC,

two of my favorite things are: cheese and caramel.  i like to eat both with apples.  sometimes, though, i can't be bothered to open up all kinds of packages and get more than one butter knife dirty, etc., etc., etc.  what do you recommend?

love,

cheeseGuy

dear cheeseGuy,

funny you should ask!!  i really like this cuckoo kind of norwegian cheese that my local grocery store sometimes carries.  it tastes like caramel, no kidding!  it's called gjetost, and i eat it with apples all the time!  who knew, right?!

yours,

E in the ROC

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dear E in the ROC,

do you think that vincent d'onofrio has lived up to his potential?  why or why not?

best,

I Heart Law and Order

dear I,

it's hard to say, isn't it?  do you mean his potential as shown in "full metal jacket"?  because i think that might not have been, like, a neutral place for him to showcase his talents, what with the kubrick and the boot camp and the cuckoo great writing and everything.  on "law and order: whichever one," as far as i can tell, his "acting" involves not shaving, getting fat, and speaking in a stilted manner.  so i guess i'm going to say no?

yours,

E in the ROC