interview

francis:  hi everyone.  my name is francis and i'm here today with levon to get answers to the questions on everyone's mind.  so, i'm just going to jump right in here, and ask you levon, to please tell us what makes you. . . . .LEVON??

levon:  oh, well, you know.  there's a lot of things that make me tick.  mostly food.  i really love cat food, and also dog food.  i used to love senior dog food but now i love hypoallergenic dog food.  whatever, you know?

francis: i know that sometimes you go OUTSIDE.  do you remember when we both went outside?  that window that was open?  that was crazy!!!  anyway, what do you think is the worst thing about living here?

levon:  well, i don't want to sound like i'm judging?  all i'm saying is that some people have different values than i do.  and that's fine for them, but it's different than me, that's all, just different.  but people can believe whatever they want.  and so i think maebe the dog has what seems like different values than my values.  she likes jumping around and barking and stuff, and i think it's really great to have different dogs and cats and everything, and i'm not judging, i just think that maebe has an interesting way of looking at the world.  i would make different decisions than she does, that's all.  i probably wouldn't chase kitties and spaz out all the time, but that's just me.  that's just my values.  sometimes i get the feeling that that guy and lola the other dog kind of support maebe when i don't think i would, or maybe they, i don't want to say "enable," exactly, but they sort of let her express her values more than i would think is appropriate.  again, though, that's fine for some people, it's just not for me.

francis:  i see.  it's no secret that i agree with you on this matter.  this has been controversial for a long time, and i appreciate your honesty and your delicacy, really, you're very good with this type of thing. i really admire you.  that was quite a dirty look you gave maebe the other day!!  but what about the good stuff?   what do you think is the best thing about living here?

levon:  that's easy--elizabeth.  elizabeth is the extra super deluxe best, and she just keeps getting better.  have you sat in her lap lately?  divine!  unsurpassed beauty, too.  i mean, if i wasn't neutered and wasn't a cat, look out.  and she says all the right things, all the time, like when she told maebe "no," that was just brilliant.  plus she always does amazingly beneficent and generous things, it's just amazing.  for example, she's the one who brings that hypoallergenic dog food home.

francis:  whoah!!  no kidding!!

levon:  for real.  i get the feeling the world doesn't really appreciate her, you know?  

francis:  i wonder what we, i mean you, levon and me, francis, can do about that?  i mean, we don't even have pants!!

levon:  i'd say just keep on doing what we're doing.  

francis:  as usual, insight and wit from the greatest ever, levon.  thanks so much for being here today.