in the style of the "findings" section in harper's magazine

i saw a joke poster with a pic of a woman protester surrounded by hooters waitresses and the poster said, "SEXISM: only ugly bitches complain about it."  my students regularly complain about the effects of no child left behind, that it turns good teachers into robots and squashes creativity, curiosity and wherewithal.  there is an actual old-timey tobacco-drying barn along route 35 in west virginia, and it's quite picturesque.  i feel the exact same amount of married whether gay people can get married or not.  sometimes, straight women gravitate toward gay men in social situations and enjoy posing in a  provocative manner, in lieu of conversation.  writing students can easily make argumentative claims about something, but what comes after the "because" proves vastly more difficult. i have seen SO MUCH freeway-side poverty in the past few weeks, accompanied by mccain/palin signs in yards.  some people know how to set psychological traps for themselves, and repeatedly produce interpersonal situations that make them feel bad.  i have seen SO MUCH roadkill in the past few weeks, including of domestic animals.  sociological studies show that of all countries, denmark is the happiest.  economic analysis shows that, among industrialized nations, denmark gives the most per capita in international aid and the U.S. gives the least.   i heard of a middle aged white man who voted for the first time in his life so he could vote against the black man.   studies show americans are fat and unhappy.