recent conversations with friends and family have made me think otherwise. KT suggests that people need to be hit over the head with haughtiness (my words, but perhaps a fair paraphrase) and zinginess in order to understand just how far they've been taken down. m.o.p.s. suggests that such a phrasing makes me sound less like a formidable intellect and more like a "goodhearted simpleton." mind you, i don't really go in there with the goal of zinging or taking down, but i am generally still optimistic (in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary) about the possibility of productive discussions during the Q&A, and so i want A LOT more credit for asking smarty mcfarty questions; but then just like every other self-centered performance-oriented person, i have a tortured relationship with wanting that credit and realizing its ultimate emptiness.
i also happen to think much of this is related to being a lady. if i was a gentleman, i think my zingers would be taken more as i think they are. i also think that, as a gal, even though i learned my question-asking style mostly from fellas, there's still some kind of creepy cultural compulsion to undercut myself ahead of time, like "must. . .assume. . .i am. . .wrong." i hear my lady students do it all the time, and i heard it from other gals in graduate school, and it's nothing short of a pandemic.
3 comments:
My favorite conference question couched in false humility is: "Maybe I'm missing something, but aren't you just wrong?" This I take to be a zinger, but perhaps not as pregnant with optimism for a genuine Q&A as yours. Of course, I am no lady. Nor, perhaps, as goodhearted. (Equally simple, I figure.)
Unrelated: foreverafter, I fear, I will not hear the word "pandemic" without also hearing in my head the term "WMD", as those vendors on "The Wire" compete for market share.
"I think you have seriously misunderstood X. And you know where you went wrong? ... " This is a quote, i.e., of something close to my ideal way to begin at academic Q&As. Yes, it's pricky, and it needn't be applied in the rare case that you've just heard a sincere paper from a genuine mensch. Occasionally, the whole warm and generous thing will just come together, but you can't bank on it. More often, given the raw lumps of insecurity and kiss-up, kick-down reactivity that are academics, this prickiness will be associated with knowingness, and once the said doors are opened, you can always be nice later.
I'm just sayin', this has only ever worked for me, and the nicey, self-deprecating thing has only ever been undermining. - Pricky Herself
self deprecation has always been a tool I favored, but I always wanted it to be seen as that. Many times, people took it seriously. I don't know that the tactic or the desire to ease in both to protect self and be kind to the other are so gender (is "sex" the more appropriate word?) specific.
Post a Comment