overheard

francis:  levon?

levon:  yes, francis.

francis:  can i ask you something?

levon:  yes, francis.

francis:  i've noticed that you go "OUTSIDE" sometimes.

levon:  that's not a question, francis.

francis:  ok, well, just a second, and let me figure it out.

levon:  . . . .

francis:  ok, i'm ready.  what is "OUTSIDE" and should i go there?

levon:  that's two questions, francis.  but i'll answer them.  "OUTSIDE," there are little baby mice that crawl right into your mouth.  it's awesome.  also, there is a deck and you can hide under it.  and lots of dirt to poop and pee in.  but there is also a monster kitty named oreo who bit me and who sprays the yard like a big jerk.  you shouldn't go outside, because you are a total baby and you can't handle it.  if oreo bit you, you would probably start crying like a little tiny baby.

francis:  you are so smart!  i love you levon.  tell me what else is "OUTSIDE"!!!!

levon:  well, a lot.  you learn a lot of lessons, if you know what i mean.  about real life.  how it works, like how real people live.  and that's stuff you really can't handle, trust me.

francis:  what do you mean?!  do you mean, like, not all cushions are perfectly soft?

levon:  oh my god, it goes way beyond that.  you are so naive.  ok, so like, for example?  some people think their problems are a lot worse than other people's problems.  and also?  some people think they are totally like god's gift to the world when it is clear that they actually have no perspective at all on how the world works and their tiny contributions to it, which actually sometimes are more liability than asset.  and, like, people totally think they know what makes them happy, but they really don't.  plus they believe a lot of advertising.

francis:  wow, it sounds like you are so brave! it makes me want to lick your butt hole.

levon:  that would be fine.