conversationalist's examination of conscience

greetings! i have created this easy-to-follow guide if you have something on your mind that you feel it is necessary to share with the person with whom you happen to be conversing at any given moment. the following is a list of questions to pause and ask yourself before opening your big fat mouth. (studies show problems can be avoided by pausing and thinking before opening big fat mouths.) feel free to reproduce, shrink, laminate and carry around with you. no attribution necessary!

1. how strong is my compulsion? is it so strong as to suggest an obsession? (if yes, reconsider.)

2. is the thing i want to say potentially traumatic to my conversation partner? (note this does not automatically mean you should not say it!)

3. what do i expect to happen as a result of what i am about to say?

4. does the thing i want to say have anything at all, even the smallest thing, to do with my conversation partner, our relationship, our common experience, or the conversation we are currently having?

5. am i extremely confident in what i am about to say? like, even without any evidence or even brief consideration of counterclaims? as in, i think it's my strong feeling about it that makes it so compelling? (if so, this may suggest rethinking.)

6. what are my feelings toward my conversation partner? do i wish them well? am i emotionally attached to them somehow? do i wish them harm but have to pretend i like them? am i committed to this conversation for personal or social or professional reasons? what is the level and quality of my engagement?

7. if i am complaining, do i have equal measure of sympathy for my conversation partner that i expect from them? (am i indeed capable of sympathy or empathy for another human being?)

8. do i expect my conversation partner to be impressed with what i am about to say? am i prepared for them not to be impressed?

9. do i ask them questions that express a level of interest in them that i expect them to take in me?

10. do i think my problems are a lot worse than those of my conversation partner? (if so, you are automatically wrong.) am i planning to wow them with the severity of my problems? am i prepared for them to be unwowed and yet sympathetic? am i prepared to offer the same to them?