i understand our lives are very different. i understand that people like the band slayer. i understand how much people love the cleveland browns, although i personally could not bear to follow them, having abandoned them after they made me cry by losing the AFC championship back in 1987, an episode in which i learned that i am sensitive. although i may not know what it's like to be a newly single guy in his mid-30s with two kids, i do know one thing: listing "porn" as one of your favorite movies on FB will not help you secure that "special someone" you claim to be interested in finding.
sincerely,
elizabeth
____________________
dear spouse o' mine,
i understand you are concerned that our dog maebe has been slandered by the implication that she did something to get all the pets locked out of the bedroom for good. however, no one gives a shit about our pets' lives or what they are allowed or not allowed to do; moreover, no one gives a shit about maebe or her reputation. except you. so i appreciate the tacit admission that you care about the dog.
love,
elizabeth
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dear MV and KP,
thanks for driving us out to that party last night.
yours,
elizabeth
____________________
dear steroid users at the gym,
i can tell you who you are because you act furtive and have a lot of zits.
yours,
elizabeth
4 comments:
hilarious, as always. i've missed reading your blog. happily back :)
Levon acts furtive and has a lot of zits. I'm just sayin.
Dear NNNS, I can tell you are awesome, not because we have ever met, but because I came here through SThis, and I have passed my evening reading all you have written (and loved it). I also don't know your animals, but they are mad (in that good British form of the word). Thanks for being my companion for the evening. It's been good.
Oh, and I am not British, so I hope I got that "mad" thing right. I tend to finally figure out slang words about the time they cease to be hip. Toodles, and thanks for blogging. Since we aren't FB buds or middle school classmates, I would have never known you.
well shucks, matt hollowell, what a heckuva nice thing this was for me to read this morning! made my day first thing.
y'all come back now, y'hear? i'll make some pie!
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