overheard

lola:  OK, seriously, i have to tell you that you are such a total asshole.

maebe:  what!  no i'm not! everyone loves me and i am no asshole!

lola:  actually, no.  not everyone loves you.  your growling and barking and nagging everyone all the time has gotten old and everyone is sick of it.

maebe:  including elizabeth!!!?

lola:  including elizabeth.  and do you want to know why?  it's because she's ashamed of you.  you bring shame on us, as a family and as a household.

maebe:  but elizabeth NEEDS me to growl and bark!! my growling and barking is the only thing standing between her delicate beauty and perfect, gentle loving existence and the mailman EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

lola:  you are such a rookie.  hasn't it occured to you that if you were really were effective, the mailman wouldn't even be back?  duh.  think about it. 

maebe:  but WHAT ABOUT HER GENTLE BEAUTY!!!  who will protect it!!

lola:  did it ever occur to you that part of elizabeth's overall greatness is her invulnerability?  and that maybe chad's noble strength helps too?  seriously, part of why you're an asshole is that you can't imagine anything outside your own kneejerk urges.

maebe:  oh yeah!  well, i heard that chad isn't your real dad!! 

lola:  he's not your real dad either, dummy.

maebe:  well how come i have the same last name as him! and how come he's been here the whole time!

lola:  look, just accept the fact that we are a family, and that you might like to just sniff another dog's butt once in a while instead of scare them away, and that you are getting in the way of me being able to sniff butts, and that until you calm down a little, you are bringing shame on the household.

maebe:  i will accept no such thing!!!!!