only one thing is all it's cracked up to be

i just resigned from a tenure-track job in a fairly desirable city in which i lived away from my spouse, in favor of a visiting position in a less desirable city living with my spouse. the t-t job was at an institution in, let's say, the middle of the middle of the heap, and the visiting job is at an institution in, say, the middle of the top of the heap. -ish, for all of it. in terms of how official organizations rank prestige and all that, anyway.

on paper, the t-t job was a perfectly good one, and one at which i could have been very happy. however, it came with some harrowing political situations, some treacherous, some comical. i made some very dear friends there and had access to what is truly the greatest grocery store in the world. however, out of the three years i was there, i only lived with my spouse for one of them, the middle one, and it proved to be unacceptable to both of us to live apart. indeed some of the harrowing situations at my job would not have loomed nearly so large in my psyche, had i had a stable home life.

when i got the visiting position at the school where my spouse had gotten a t-t position the year before (where we are now), my first institution was generous enough to give me a leave of absence, so that i had a bit of a safety net to see how things would work out. after that leave of absence was up, i resigned my position there. and that was really really hard. i mean, whatever the problems with the job, it was still mine.

so now i'm knocked up, having followed my man for his career. of course, this isn't entirely accurate, because my career is in full swing also, and i wanted to start a family, and i chose all this (or was forced to choose it according to the logic of the industry i work in). nevertheless, i am aware of some of the feminist judgments that may befall me along the way.

i was just about to wrap this up by saying how important it is to have some kind of stability at home, however that stability manifests itself to you, and that ultimately, even though i think of myself as quite an independent person, i'd rather fry donuts and live with my spouse than have the career of my dreams and live apart (would i? well, now that you put it that way. . .). while typing this, i glanced at my own personal spouse to confirm quickly that i'd made the right decision, and that i love him, and that we have a home together that is worth more than most things, and wouldn't you know, right at that moment his finger was digging very deeply in his nose, rooting around vigorously and purposefully. so maybe i didn't catch him at his best moment. but here we are, one chapter over, the next beginning, and with one of the most important things intact. at least now we can make fun of each other for nosepicking, and you can't put a price on that.