natural childbirth

recently i produced a small human boy from my body. he came quickly and not without provocation. the emergence of a child from the mother's body by way of the birth canal is simultaneously profound and unremarkable. it also really really really really really hurts a lot. it is also, like everything related to what women do with their bodies, very politically and emotionally loaded.

while i am proud of myself for having birthed without pain medication, i do not recommend it. i do not care how anyone else gives birth, because it is so specific, necessarily having to do with the mother and baby's health, the nature of the labor, the mother's relationship to her body, privacy, and pain (among other things), access to various resources, etc., etc. but here are some things i have to say about it, just in case you were wondering:

• to reiterate: it really really really hurts. more than you think it will. more than you can express to anyone.

• while the nature of the birth you want is important and relevant to many things, ultimately you have to parent for a much much longer time than you have to deliver the child. so, there are infinitely more factors involved in your relationship with the child than the few hours or days you spent bringing him into the world. which is to say in the scheme of things, measured by sheer hours logged, the kind of birth you have is a lot less important than a lot of other things.

• while having as "natural" a childbirth as possible might confer some bragging rights, they are bragging rights along the lines of, say, climbing mount everest. which is to say, you might impress some people, but only a few people are really invested, and many people lead extremely fulfilling and achievement- and love-filled lives without having done it or even wanting to do it.

• science has done some extremely awesome things regarding health and pain.

• you have to really focus on what you want and really not care what other people think.* well-intentioned people say things that can hurt your feelings if, say, you had a c-section (even if everyone would have died without one). it's hard to drown out the cultural pressure.

• however, even worse is your own terrible self who internalizes all that pressure. the women who feel bad about themselves for having an epidural after 48 hours of hard labor with no sleep or eating break my heart when i hear they are still beating themselves up about alleviating their pain and giving themselves a break. no matter what kind of birth you want or how invested you are in it, you are your own worst enemy in the pressure department. and you best start loving and forgiving that enemy, like they say you are supposed to.

• if you give birth vaginally, you will poop in the process.** like, for sure. and also for sure, you will not care. dear reader, i can't guarantee much to you. but i can guarantee these two things.

• if anyone thinks evolution strives toward improvement of a species, i would invite them to witness a birth. there's nothing perfected about the process. it is inefficient and devastating. it's barely good enough to get that one little baby out, and that's apparently all it has to be for this here species to slog on. so get off your high horse about humans being so awesome.

*like many (over?)educated middle class white women with a modicum of ability for self-reflection and a shred of a sense of humor, i identify strongly with tina fey. i am less funny and smart and do not have as strong of a work ethic. i might have her beat in the self-deprecation department, though. anyway, in bossypants she writes about how culturally loaded the issue of day care & nannies are, and also about Teat Nazis (cultural pressure around breastfeeding). it's the same deal with childbirth (see earlier point about how everything relating to women's bodies is loaded).

**tina fey claims not to have pooped. so maybe i also have her beat in the honesty or speaking-truth-to-abjection department.